The Love Dare begins: Day 1

Have any of you seen the movie Fireproof? If not, I recommend you rent it. In the movie there is abook called The Love Dare (real thing, I swear, i ordered it) which ask one spouse in the relationship to take 40 days to take the dare. Sounds simple.

NOT!

The first lesson is Patience. Love is patient, love is kind. You know how it goes, so I won't quote it all. Anyhooligans, it made some valid points. That sometimes when we're (I'm) angry we (I) do things to hurt other people (my spouse). Yes, I felt like a child who had been caught sneaking cookies to my room. Oh, the guilt!

So far, so good. He (my spouse) hasn't called on any of his breaks, so I haven't had the chance to actually speak to him. But we have sent each other a few emails back and forth, and I've just kept it light. Have a good day, have a good lunch break, see you when you pick up the boy (our 5 year old son) for school. Basic non threatening chit chat.

Marriage, for us, has flown southbound. he's not happy with me, and I can't blame him. I'm vicious and vindictive and rude and not nice all around. I deserve this (to an extent, there was an error on his side that kicked this rock over the ledge, but we aren't discussing that, now are we?) to say the least, it's been four years since we split up the first time and I don't seem to have changed. I didn't learn to trust him, I didn't learn to let him be and stay out of his business, I just didn't learn anything (it's much easier to say that than to write the whole list out).

So, I'm going to try this love dare thing. The full forty days. And if it still stays in the southbound lane. . .well, I won't know til I get there. I'll be back later to tell you how it goes.

Endnote for day 1:
I was patient but it wasn't easy. I listened to him while he talked. I actually listened. And I heard things that broke my heart. He's been unhappy for the last couple of years--in and out of happiness. Some of it to do with me, most of it to do with him. He misses the simplicity of our marriage, the communication, and feels that I use him as a mealticket. I find those things to be true. I do that. I apologized.

Don't go thinkin the night ended on a good note. I completed my challenge. But that was it. It's still in the southbound lane. I know that I don't ever want to love again. The pain is truly not worth it.

As far as what Zac Hanson would do: he married the right person in the first place.