Love is not jealous.
I am learning this the hard way. Jealousy has been a major factor in destroying my marriage, but not today. Today's challenge: take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Haven't done this yet. It's on the long list that I have for things to do today. Dishes are currently soaking. Living room is clean. Even took the rug outside and swept it out. I have decided to clean and cleanse me and everything around me. All of it won't be done by the end of today, but I've only just begun.
The girl that went to bed angry last night, did not wake up today. I laid her to rest along with every other bad thing I had been carrying around. A new girl got up this morning. A girl who is ready to face her world and this war for love head on. I have finally realized what all this is about. It's easy to talk the talk, but walking it is much more stable and permanent.
A new fire was lit under my little hind end last night. One that had not been there before. I know what I have to do now. This is my marriage and I choose to fight for it. I choose to love.
Day 8, evening:
Two loads of dishes down, about four to go. Whiteboard got cleaned and reorganized. I rehung all the stuff I had taken down and put back all the happy things that I remembered about my marriage back on their shelves and back on the walls. Got a load of laundry in. Gotta finish my mammaw's too.
Still looking up. The AHA moment I had last night did me some good. Haven't spoken to him today. Left him two voicemails--without calling his phone, lol--and reminded him both times that I love him. I've played the WOW Worship playlist on my PS3 all day. Still have to straighten up the desk. Don't know how successful that will be. Need to get Isaiah up from his nap.
Haven't completed Day 8 yet. I'm writing down every single negative thought cause once I burn them I want them ALL gone! Don't want them here haunting me, making me tear down the city that I'm trying to rebuild. It's a long painful process, but I'll get through this--with him.
Off to switch laundry over and then crochet. Back later.
Day 8, endnote:
All in all a good day. I didn't expect him to show up until time to tuck Isaiah in--Bear's at a friend's house for the weekend--but he showed up a little after 7. He did most of the talking. I was busy still doin' dishes and laundry. It was easy for us. He even offered to play a game on the PS3 with me and then he realized that the game wasn't 2 player. He offered, though, that's a start. Going to bed here in a few.
I will complete this whole dare. I really will complete something in my life this time.
Here's where I muse, I knit, I crochet, I quilt, I rant, I rave, I carry on about the world in general. My patterns and notes on patterns will appear on Knit Knack Patty Shack.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Love is not jealous.